Category Archives: Personal

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Good Omens, Dogma, and Nostalgia

Salutations Bookworms!

I recently finished reading Good Omens: The Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett. It’s been on my radar for a while, but I only now got around to giving it a go. Gaiman and Pratchett are both well known authors of the quirky variety, so it seems natural that they teamed up, especially given the cheeky and irreverent nature of the subject matter…

Things only a nerd who took Spanish would notice: why is there a tilde over an S?

Things only a nerd who took Spanish would notice: why is there a tilde over an S?

So, Heaven and Hell are operating as usual, what with the demons trying to make human life difficult and the angels trying to influence things the other direction. One day, Satan gets all antsy and decides to pull a Rosemary’s Baby by sending the fruit of his loins onto the earth to bring about Armageddon. Thanks to an order of Satanist nuns (who attempt to be as loud as possible to differentiate themselves from other nuns who take vows of silence… Very contrary, Satanists), there’s a bit of a mix up in the hospital. Satan’s spawn is sent home to grow up with an unsuspecting set of parents while a mortal baby is raised in pretty bizarre circumstances. Satanist nannies do their best to influence “Warlock” to embrace his evil, while the angels keep sticking their noses in to try and make him overcome his nature. Obviously their efforts are in vain, as baby Warlock is in possession of no supernatural capabilities.

While the forces of good and evil play a celestial chess game with a frustratingly mortal child, Adam, the ACTUAL demon spawn, is left to grow up like any other human. The only angels and devils perched on his shoulders are purely metaphorical. One angel and one demon in particular (Aziraphale and Crowley, respectively) play an especially important role in bringing about the end of the world, but they’ve become rather disenchanted with the idea of a celestial battle. While Aziraphale and Crowley have been growing weary, War, Famine, Pollution, and Death (the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, of course, Pestilence having retired following the discovery of penicillin) have been gearing up for the end of days. Despite the best intentions of both Heaven and Hell, neither side is particularly well prepared for Armageddon thanks to humanity fouling things up. You try plotting world destruction when your minions are unreliable!

Conflicted!

The Devil and Angel on my shoulders!

To be completely honest (and I’m embarrassed to admit this) Good Omens left me feeling lukewarm. I can’t discuss this book without bringing up Dogma. In 1999, Kevin Smith and his merry band of misfits put together a movie that was heavily influenced by Good Omens, though not a movie version of the book. Gaiman was instrumental in helping Smith craft his tale, and is thanked in the credits. I knew Good Omens and Dogma were in cahoots, but I was disappointed to find out that the story was completely different. I mean, sure. Heaven, Hell, Armageddon, creatures from another realm of existence doing battle- that was all there. But some of the elements that really drew me to the movie like heckling organized religion and giving a little spin on the family history of Jesus were absent in this book. My connection to Dogma is polluted by nostalgia. That movie came out when I was in high school, and Kevin Smith offered just the right combination of humor, intelligence, and bad language to make watching his movies as a teen a safe way to rebel while not getting into any ACTUAL trouble. (Appreciating humor at the expense of established cultural norms does not represent my feelings on religion in any way, so please don’t think that I’m being disrespectful. I simply enjoy revisionist takes on history- biblical and otherwise.)

I recently read somewhere that people who don’t read The Catcher in The Rye as a teenager will never appreciate it properly, and I think this might be the case with me and Good Omens. What about you, Bookworms? Have you ever (gasp) liked a movie better than a book? Were you ashamed to admit it?

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Celebrating World Penguin Day With a Letter From Alfred

Happy World Penguin Day, Bookworms!

Were you unaware of the occasion? I couldn’t let it slip by without recognition, and I think I’ve come up with an appropriate celebration. I was recently given a belated birthday gift that is, in a word, exceptional. I now have in my service this incredibly dapper gentlebird:

IMG_5142

Why yes, that IS a tiny fish tucked into his hat band!

This is my new penguin butler. His name is Alfred, after Batman’s butler, because we want to encourage him to aspire to greatness… And also to learn to dust Jim’s tasteful Batman statues. I cannot think of a better way to mark this momentous occasion or to thank my friends than to turn the blog over to Alfred for the day. Without further ado…

Dear Master and Mistress M,

I am would like to extend to you my sincerest gratitude for installing me in my new position. It is incredibly difficult for a penguin butler to find work these days. The terrible economy no doubt hurts our situation, but the utter lack of television sitcom butlers currently on the airwaves significantly hampers demand. It makes one long for the days of The Nanny, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Benson, and the glorious Mr. Belvedere. The dog butler statue on Modern Family just makes a mockery of our noble profession. Penguin butlers and waiters have a proud tradition dating back to the days of Mary Poppins. It is, frankly, offensive to be lumped in a category with such a nonsensical creature as a talking dog butler. Katie and Jim are not, perhaps, the most dignified couple I’ve worked for, but Katie asks for little more than the occasional glass of wine and Jim is content to tell me terrible jokes. (I swear I offer him no encouragement, it’s as though he’s used to people not following his train of thought…) As I said, I’m quite satisfied with this arrangement and I thought it only proper to send my thanks. Please send your daughter (the tiny dragon princess) my kindest regards.

Cheerio,

Alfred P. Waddlesworth

  • P.S. Katie practically demanded that I include a post script. She said “the consummate professional always has something to add.”
  • P.P.S. Katie obviously thinks this because she is NOT a consummate professional and never attended finishing school.
  • P.P.P.S My favorite book is most certainly NOT Mr. Popper’s Penguins, as you were no doubt wondering. As a professional penguin, I’m insulted by the idea of us as sideshow performers. Preposterous.
  • P.P.P.P.S The rumors of my affair with Penguin 413 known by some as “Josie” have been greatly exaggerated. (And by “greatly exaggerated” I mean 100 percent true. Be. Jealous.)

As you can see, Alfred has settled into our home quite nicely, although he DID peck at me a bit when I tried to read aloud to him. I think he’s offended by my affected English accent. I really should stop, but LOOK AT HIM! Do any of you Bookworms have plans to celebrate World Penguin Day? Have some fish for dinner, perhaps? Maybe heckle a leopard seal?

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Bookish Boombox: A Mix Tape Masterpiece

Are you ready to ROCK, Bookworms?

The thing about writing a book blog is that if you have a slow reading week, you start running out of material. When I was composing yesterday’s Eleanor & Park review, I spent a lot of time thinking about high school and the parts of it that didn’t suck. One of my FAVORITE high school pastimes was making mix tapes. I’d comb my CD collection and pick out the best tracks to put together. I liked to theme it up, you know? I’d try to impress my friends by putting “obscure” songs off of popular albums on there, so they didn’t think I only listened to the hits. I WAS DEEP, I TELL YOU! Then I’d make cover art and use crayons and stickers… Ahhh good times. So. Since I am out of books to review for the time being, I’m making y’all a little mix tape. In honor of the sweet boom box I used to make those mix tapes, I’ve created a thematic homage to books. I’m calling it “Bookish Boombox: A Mix Tape Masterpiece.” Forgive me for the lack of crayon artwork.

Track One: “Ramble On” by Led Zeppelin. This song is based on The Lord of the Rings. Did you know that? I didn’t. (Thanks, Internet!) It’s one of those songs I mutter along with until the chorus. Anyway, I’m working on The Fellowship of the Ring right now, and, uh, “Ramble On?” Pretty darn appropriate, if you know what I’m saying….

Track Two: “Romeo & Juliet” by Dire Straits. Obviously, this song goes with Romeo & Juliet. I like to think of it as what would have become of Romeo and Juliet if they hadn’t been so impulsive and killed themselves. It’s a sad love song, and those are the best kind! This is one of my favorite, favorite songs EVER. Enjoy it!

Track Three: “Don’t Stand So Close To Me” by The Police. Every single time I hear this song I shout “just like the- old man in- that book by NABOKOV!” It’s about Lolita, obvi, and I feel that having read Lolita, it is my right to be very smug and sing that lyric at the top of my lungs.

Track Four: “Yankee Bayonet” by The Decemberists. Pretty much every song by The Decemberists is a story unto itself, because they’re completely amazing. Anyway, “Yankee Bayonet” is probably my favorite Decemberists track and it’s about the civil war- from a Southern perspective, no less. Therefore, I’ve decided it totally goes with Gone With The Wind. I suppose it would go better with GWTW if Scarlett had actually been in love with Charles Hamilton and he had been killed in battle rather than by disease, but whatever. It’s a good song and it’s MY MIX TAPE.

Track Five: “Bloodletting (The Vampire Song)” by Concrete Blonde. Funny story about this song. My very eccentric dance teacher choreographed a tap number to this song. We wore Raggedy Ann costumes complete with yarn wigs, then threw in some fangs and capes. It was seriously creepy watching a pack of 20 adolescent girls being all evil and stuff. As if it weren’t painfully obvious, this song is about vampires, so I associate it with the Sookie Stackhouse books by Charlaine Harris. It works!

There you have it, my friends. A little literary mix tape from me to you. Are there any songs you associate with books?

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Eleanor & Park: It’ll Take You Back Faster Than a Whiff of Unwashed Gym Suit.

Sup Bookworms?!

I say “sup” because that was the thing to say when I was in high school. During high school,  I absolutely refused to use the term on the grounds that contractions should use apostrophes. I also wrote song lyrics out on the backs of all the notes I passed between classes and pasted magazine photo collages of grunge rockers onto my notebooks. (A 16 year old girl is a 16 year old girl, no matter her taste in music.)

I know what you’re thinking. “Yes, Katie. We KNOW you were a cantankerous teenager. You wrote about it once, plus, you’re a blogger. An awkward adolescence is a prerequisite, right?” I swear I have a point. The point is, I just read Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell and it took me back to high school faster than whiff of unwashed gym suit.

I listened to a discman on the bus... Because I went to high school in the 90s.

I listened to a discman on the bus… Because I went to high school in the 90s.

Here’s the deal. It’s 1986. Eleanor is the new girl in school. She’s on the curvy side and has wild red hair. Her first day of school, she is denied a seat on the bus by everyone (in a move of calculated cruelty that is innate to the teenage of the species) EXCEPT a half Korean kid named Park. Eleanor and Park don’t fall in love immediately. In fact, they don’t even speak. They only begin to break the ice when Park notices that Eleanor has been reading his comic books out of the corner of her eye.

Eleanor’s got a whole lot of crap going on in her home life. She and her 4 siblings live in squalor with their abusive stepfather and their once vibrant mother (who like many abused women has become a shell of her former self.) Eleanor is in no position to be starting a relationship, but as she and Park progress from friendship to hand holding, she knows she’s a goner.

THIS BOOK! It does for YA novels what Freaks and Geeks did for high school on television. My high school experience was not Gossip Girl or Friday Night Lights. My high school experience was a whirlwind of awkward encounters and intense relationships that never materialized. Where hand holding could be MAJOR. It was so refreshing to read about an imperfect heroine who wasn’t conventionally beautiful. Sure, Eleanor has her good features, but she’s not a girl who is drop-dead-gorgeous without realizing it (cough, cough, Bella Swan.) And Park? Park is a short Asian kid who experiments with guy-liner. I challenge you to find me another YA leading man who is 5’4. Even Harry Potter was tall!

Well, NOW they're the cool kids. Source.

Well, sure, NOW they’re the cool kids. Source.

No, I didn’t listen to The Cure on my walkman on the bus, mostly because I didn’t go to high school in 1986. (I listened to The Counting Crows on my discman. Very skippy, the discman.) Even though my gym suit was definitely less horrifying than Eleanor’s polyester onesie, I dreaded gym class. My junior year, I was hit in the head with EVERY SINGLE BALL we used. I only wish I were exaggerating. I was beaned with a soccer ball, basketball, volleyball, hockey puck, tennis ball, football, softball, and the absolute pinnacle of my humiliation? Badminton birdie. I wasn’t subject to intense bullying (although I still do not have good thoughts about that girl with the slicked back ponytail and sinister eyeliner who always laughed at magnetic melon…) I didn’t have a messy home life either, but this book isn’t about winning the screwed up teen experience award. This book is about capturing the essence of being 16. It’s about first love and identity crises and confusion and the occasional glimmer greatness beneath the awkward.

I chewed through this book in two days and had to let it marinate in my brain juices before I could form coherent thoughts. Katie + Eleanor & Park = Love. The soundtracks may change, but high school will always be the same. Rainbow Rowell gets that, and for that, I salute her. (Insert well timed slow clap.)

Alright bookworms. Please tell me I’m not alone here. Let’s take this opportunity to share our most horrifying gym class experiences. It’ll be like group therapy. Ready? Go!

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I’ve Got a Crush on You! And you, and you, and you, too!

Hey There Bookworms,

Before I get into today’s Top Ten Tuesday list, I want to take a moment to give a shout-out to the Hubs. That’s right, today Jim turns 31. Happy Birthday! The thing that makes this birthday extra super special is that it is ALSO the anniversary of our first date. The TENTH anniversary. (For a first date that took place on a 21st birthday, it was shockingly wholesome.) Yay, Jim! Happy Birth-iversary! I totally still have a crush on you.

First photo of us as a couple, a mere 10 days after that first date. Which reminds me... Happy Almost Anniversary to Meresa and Scott! (Yeah. He went to a wedding with me after a week and a half. Keeper.)

First photo of us as a couple, a mere 10 days after that first date. Which reminds me… Happy Almost Anniversary to Meresa and Scott! (Yeah. He went to a wedding with me after a week and a half of dating. Keeper.)

You know what the best part about a stable relationship is? Jim’s not even a tiny bit threatened by the fact that I’ve got crushes on other boys. Sure, it helps that all the boys are fictional characters… Like any bookworm, I have an active imagination. Since The Broke and The Bookish asked so nicely, today I shall list my Top Ten Fictional Character Crushes.

TTT3W

1. Fred and/or George Weasley. So, here’s the thing. I hate to admit to this, but, I didn’t read Harry Potter until after the first movie came out. This means, among other things, that my mental images of characters were tainted going into the series. I LOVE the Weasley twins, and the movie twins are pretty cute. I know they’re shorter and rounder in the books, but they’re so funny and awesome. Laughter is a big deal to me, and I’m pretty sure a Weasley twin would keep me in stitches. (Maybe not as well as Jim, though. His sense of humor is incredibly absurd and he frequently makes me laugh until my tummy hurts.)

2. Jamie Fraser. I know, I know. I rave about Outlander constantly, but SWOON, Jamie! He’s strong and smart and he speaks lots of languages and he looks hot in a kilt. Plus, he’s so head over heels for Claire, it’s redonk. I mean, really.

3. Jon Snow. The new season of Game of Thrones started up the other night. I watched season 1, but for whatever reason I fell off the wagon after that. I’m considering jumping back on. I mean, I’ve read all the books, you know? And. JON SNOW. Ned Stark’s bastard child is one hot piece of ice, if you know what I’m saying. Really though. I love book Jon. I love TV Jon. Long live Jon Snow!

Celibacy on The Wall? What a waste! Source.

Celibacy on The Wall? What a waste! Source.

4. Mr. Darcy. Oh yeah, I just pulled out the old Pride and Prejudice card. How could I not? I mean, he’s MR. DARCY. Proud. Prejudiced. Secretly in love with the feisty Elizabeth Bennett. Be still my heart!

5. Gus. You remember, the dreamboat cancer patient from The Fault In Our Stars? Sure, he didn’t speak the way any REAL teenager would. He was far too smart and witty and self assured. But. That’s what Tiger Beat dreams are made of.

6. Charlie. Yep. My teenage self had a big old crush on Charlie from The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I loved his brilliant socially stunted antics. And his wounded puppy psyche. Sigh.

7. Marius Pontmercy. I think every girl on the planet imagines that she’s Eponine when they listen to “On My Own.” Who among us has never tasted the bitter pill of unrequited love?! Les Miserables the book gives Marius a much juicier backstory than the musical. It certainly doesn’t hurt Marius’s swoonworthiness that Eddie Redmayne played the part in the movie…

Oh, Eddie. You only love me when I'm gutshot and bleeding out in the gutters of Paris... Source

Oh, Eddie. You only love me when I’m gutshot and bleeding out in the gutters of Paris… Source

8. Stu Redman. Why yes, I DO have a thing for the no-nonsense leader of the “good-guy” pack from The Stand. He is immune to the super flu, plus he’s got a cowboy vibe. I don’t know, maybe I was swayed by the fact that Lieutenant Dan played him in the mini series. The heart wants what the heart wants!

9. Roger MacKenzie. Yeah. He’s from Outlander too. Roger is one dishy time traveler. Green eyed, Scottish accented, folk song crooning, tall drink of water. Mmmmhmmm.

10. Jim. Yes, I am cheating and making my husband into a fictional character. Public display of affection, blog style. Oh. Fictional Jim may or may not also be Batman. Or just own tasteful Batman statues. XOXO.

Bookworms, tell me. Who are your bookish fictional character crushes? We’re equal opportunity here. Dudes, ladies, whatever floats your boat. Share the lurve!

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Here Comes The Bride (Through an Archway of Machetes)

Dearly Beloved,

We are gathered here today so I can make my case for being the Florist/Flower Girl for the online wedding of Lyssa of Psychobabble and Shirtless Ryan Gosling. I used to work in a flower shop, and while they only let me wash buckets and answer phones, I’m TOTALLY QUALIFIED to be an online wedding florist.

People always assume that all little girls get the opportunity to be a flower girl at some point in their lives. I’m here to tell you that THEY ARE WRONG. I was never a flower girl. It’s a travesty. Feast your eyes on 5-year-old me:

I was effing ADORABLE!

I was effing ADORABLE!

Obviously I’m not over this slight. I need this for my mental health and well being, damnit! Let’s begin. Lyssa and Ryan have chosen to have a jungle theme for their botanical elements. This is incredibly lucky, because what I really want to portray in this wedding is RAMPANT FECUNDITY. When couples marry, they are encouraged by society to, in the immortal words of Ross from Friends, “consummate like bunnies.” With this in mind, I have chosen antherium for Lyssa’s bouquet with an orchid boutonierre for Ryan.

Antherium are exceptionally phallic.

Antherium are exceptionally phallic. Oh, yes, Emily? Maid of Honor? You’ll be required to fan Lyssa with the bouquet once she passes it off to you.

And. Well. Orchids are pretty darn suggestive.

And. Well. Orchids are pretty darn suggestive.

In addition to the pornographic florals, I’ve decided to create an extra feature that will not only compliment the theme, but also protect the wedding party from Zombie attack. That’s right. The perimeter of the venue will be surrounded by tiger pits! I will have trenches dug, much in the way one would dig a moat. However, a moat would be USELESS because Zombies DON’T BREATHE and are therefore impervious to water barriers. The pits will be filled with bamboo spikes! Bamboo is the epitome of jungle-ness, and it’s also really sharp. Those spears will impale any marauding herds of the undead while allowing the guests to party unscathed. (There will be retractable walkways so no guests are accidentally impaled… Unless you get REALLY mad at your drunk uncle…)

Instead of tossing rice or blowing bubbles for Lyssa and Ryan’s grand exit, the guests will instead line up and create an archway for the couple to walk through with their party favors. You guessed it! The party favors are MACHETES! A necessity in both the jungle and the Zombie Apocalypse. I can guarantee there’s not a mason jar project on Pinterest that can compete with a freaking machete.

I’m not JUST the florist, remember? I’m also the flower girl, because the universe conspired against me and WASTED my childhood cuteness on ballet lessons. Ugh. Anyway. I’ve chosen the most SPECTACULAR dress, that fits the jungle theme perfectly:

The word you're looking for is "glorious."

The word you’re looking for is “glorious.” You’re also REALLY impressed with my sexy photoshop skills.

I implore you, dear readers, please leave a comment to let Lyssa know that I’m the right choice for all her flower needs! I’m a whirling dervish of flowers, tulle, and general bad-assery. Help me achieve my dreams!

This needs to happen. NEEDS TO!

This needs to happen. NEEDS TO!

Now, Shirtless Ryan Gosling, you may kiss the Flower Girl. Wait, I mean… No. I meant that. I really did.

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So Far? 30 Is AWESOME!

Welcome Bookworms, Old and New!

Remember last week how I was freaking out about turning 30? So far, 30 has been kind of awesome. But. First things first. We have a WINNER of the $30 Amazon gift card. Thanks to EVERYONE for your tweets and likes and whatnot. I tallied up the entries and plugged them into a random number generator. The WINNER is… Jen Hartling! Jen is not only a dedicated bookworm, she also writes her own CERTIFIED AWESOME book blog, The Relentless Reader. May the odds be ever in your favor!

Why is 30 rocking my world? LET ME TELL YOU! I took my birthday off of work and my husband took me to the Shedd Aquarium in Chicago. He earned himself INFINITY brownie points by taking me to MEET A PENGUIN. Not only did he set me up with a penguin encounter (which is a thing they offer… Click HERE if you’re interested) but he arranged it so that we were the only two people in the penguin encounter. They’re typically done in groups of ten, but Jim in all his weasel-y wisdom managed to get us a private meet and greet with penguin #413. (I am certain he spent too much money doing this, but I had THE BEST TIME so I can’t be upset.)

Can you tell I was REALLY excited?!

Can you tell I was REALLY excited?!

The penguins at the Shedd are identified by number, they don’t have individual names (I KNOW!) In my head, Penguin #413 was Josie. Josie was super friendly and curious. She pooped twice, she pecked at my jeans, and she stepped on my galoshes several times. Sometimes she would take a deep breath and puff herself up like a penguin balloon. The trainer claimed Josie was re-setting her feathers, but I think she was just showing off her deep breathing abilities. Also, did you know penguins can sneeze? Yeah. They totally can. She has little nostril thingies on her beak that get clogged with salt from the water and the fishes, so she “sneezes” to clear them. AND! They don’t even have to monitor what they feed the penguins. Josie and her Magellenic counterparts are perfect self regulators. They fatten up temporarily during molting season, but that’s it. When the trainer offered her fish she didn’t want, she just shook her little head. Amazing.

I got to pet Josie!!!!

I got to pet Josie!!!!

I got to pet Josie on her back (which felt a lot like beagle fur- soft yet oily) AND her flipper (which felt very rubbery.) Jim got to pet Josie on the foot (which was speckled and thus impossibly adorable) and the belly.

So fun!!!

So fun!!!

Yeah, so my decade is really starting on an upswing. But that isn’t all. I was FRESHLY PRESSED this week. It’s an enormous honor and I can hardly believe the powers that be at WordPress noticed my little corner of weird, but I’m beyond thrilled by it. THRILLED, I tell you! I think 30 and I are going to get along just fine. (As long as I keep getting carded at the liquor store.)

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My Birthday, Your Presents

Hey There Bookworms,

Today I turn 30 years old. I say “today” even though technically I’m writing this in the evening on March 21st. By the time this posts, I will already be 30. Though I made my entrance into this world at 4:02 am, I don’t make it a habit to either a. get up that early or b. stay up that late. So. I’m 30. More or less.

How do I feel about this? Not great. I really didn’t think turning 30 would be a big deal to me, but I’m kind of freaking out. I STILL don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. As you can see, my initial career ambition didn’t exactly work out…

But you know. Life happens. Thighs happen. You improvise. So. I am 30. And I have a choice. I can continue to wallow and mourn my lost youth, OR I can CELEBRATE! Guess who’s celebrating and looked freaking adorable in a tutu at 5? THIS GIRL!

There will be cake. Oh yes, there will be cake.

There will be cake. Oh yes, there will be cake.

I may not be able to send cake to each and every one of you GORGEOUS bookworms, but I can sponsor a giveaway. This giveaway is open to EVERYONE (except people from North Dakota. Just kidding. I love you, North Dakota.) I am giving away an Amazon gift card in the amount of… THIRTY DOLLARS! (Because I’m 30, see?) Anyway, since it’s an Amazon gift card, anybody with an email address is eligible to win. International entries are totally welcome (just like I promised, Rhian. Tell your Aussie pals.)

You can enter by:

1. Leaving a comment on this blog telling me what your favorite kind of cake is (anyone who says they don’t like cake is disqualified. Lie to me y’all. It’s my birthday!)

2. “Like” my Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/WordsForWorms

3. Follow me on Twitter: @KatieBelle1121

4. Share this blog post with your Facebook Friends

5. Tweet this post

That’s five potential entries! I’ll choose a winner one week from today. Wahoo 30!

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Beware the Ides of March: A Letter to My “Nephew” on his Fifth Birthday

Dear Jack,

The first letter I ever wrote to you, I addressed to “Fetus.” You see, you were just a little ball of cells multiplying in your mommy’s tummy. Like most of the very best presents, you came as a surprise, but it didn’t take long for the excitement to set in. I started buying you penguin pajamas before you were even born!

See those books? You won't be able to escape them. Muahahahaha!

See those books? You won’t be able to escape them. Muahahahaha!

I talked to your mom a few hours after you were born. The first sound I ever heard you make was a hiccup! It was the most adorable hiccup I’ve ever heard in my life. When you were a few weeks old, I drove to Cincinnati to meet you.

"Hello, sir. I'm your Aunt Katie. I love you already!"

“Hello, sir. I’m your Aunt Katie. I love you already!”

I wouldn’t have minded if you stayed that small forever. You were so tiny and perfect. But, as you know, the thing kids do best is GROW.

And so you grew…

And grew...

You don’t typically find me this dull…

AND GREW….

Your mommy probably doesn't want you to know this, but she TOTALLY cried when she lit the candle on your cake.

Your mommy probably doesn’t want you to know this, but she TOTALLY cried when she lit the candle on your cake.

AND GREW…

You walked down the aisle in my wedding like such a grown up little man.

You walked down the aisle in my wedding like such a grown up little man.

BUT YOU JUST KEPT GROWING!

I wish I could say that I taught you how to bowl, but Carter beat me that day...

I wish I could say that I taught you how to bowl, but Carter (who was three) beat me that day…

AND GROWING…

And now you're GIGANTIC!

And now you’re GIGANTIC!

When your mommy was waiting around for you to be born, I remember telling her that it would be fabulous if you were born on March 15th because every year I’d get to make a Julius Caesar joke on your birthday. You must have known how much I love literary jokes, because sure enough, you made your appearance on March 15th. Beware the Ides of March, indeed. The world will never be the same. Love you, Bubby.

XOXO,

Aunt Katie

P.S. I’ll be there soon! With presents!

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The Greatest Thing That Ever Happened To Me… While I Wasn’t There

How are all the Bookworms out there doing today?

Not so great? Well. I have something wonderful that will be sure to cheer you up. You’ve met my friend Chrissy before, haven’t you? In my more philosophical moments, I like to think that there’s a grand plan behind the way things work. There are people that are meant to be in your life, and it’s weird, because once you meet them, it feels like you’re already acquainted. I like to refer to Chrissy as my “butter churning sister from a past life,” because, you know, if we DID live lives before this one, we probably would have had to churn our own butter. I tell you this so you understand that she’s got a special place in my heart, and she had that WAY PRIOR to this story. (“Can’t Buy Me Love” and all that. The Beatles are always right.)

Remember once upon a time when I reviewed Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson, otherwise known as The Great and Powerful Bloggess™? If you need to take a break and catch up, I’ll wait. You’re back? Wonderful. Suffice it to say that I’m a fan. I mean, Beyonce the giant metal chicken? The traveling red dress? She is a thousand kinds of awesome plus whipped cream plus a wine slushie and an order of fried pickles on the side.

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened was released in paperback recently (I own a Kindle copy of the original release) and to celebrate, The Great and Powerful Bloggess™ went on a book tour. One of the stops on the tour was in Chicagoland, which was fantastic news for Chrissy. It would have been great news for me too, but the event was on a Thursday. I had to work the following Friday, so making a 4 hour round trip journey wasn’t in the cards for me. Chrissy, of course, decided to go, and I was super excited for her and more than a tiny bit jealous. In fact, while she was waiting for the event to start, I did what anyone would do… I took a pathetic selfie and texted it to her so she’d feel guilty that I was missing out on the fun. Oh yeah. I’m THAT friend.

That's my best puppy dog face. I only bust it out for serious guilt trips... And the occasional foot massage.

That’s my best puppy dog face. I only bust it out for serious guilt trips… And the occasional foot massage.

I got home from a ho-hum day to find a surprise package on my doorstep. I was most pleased to see that the return address was from Chrissy. I assumed she’d located a package of deeply discounted penguin greeting cards, or perhaps a thrift store Harlequin romance novel. I was FLABBERGASTED and DELIGHTED and OVERJOYED to find an autographed copy of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (with bonus chapter!) Chrissy used a few moments of her precious Bloggess face time to get ME a birthday gift! (I’m about to turn 30. It’s… Well. It is what it is. Presents take the edge off.)

Now, Chrissy can tell you her version of this story (I highly recommend you click HERE to read it), but the gist of it is this: Chrissy showed the Bloggess my selfie. The Bloggess KNOWS I EXIST! AND! She thinks I’m cute! Just read the inscription!

Can you hear me squealing through the computer?! It's so LOUD!

Can you hear me squealing through the computer?! It’s so LOUD!

Chrissy also inscribed her own message, of course. She likes to prove me wrong, see? I don’t like to write in books I give as gifts just in case the recipient decides to pass it on to someone else one day. (I’m not saying this happened, but MAYBE, just MAYBE at some point in my life I was the owner of a pocket sized illustrated version of the Kama Sutra… And said pocket sized edition would have made an excellent saucy bachelorette party gift, but my re-gifting attempt was THWARTED by a personalized inscription…That COMPLETELY HYPOTHETICAL situation would be totally frustrating, right?) Chrissy’s inscription basically told me that I’d probably hang on to this book. She always has to win, you know?!

Isn’t that the sweetest?! Couldn’t this story have ended RIGHT THERE and been the best thing ever? It could have, but it DIDN’T! Because Jenny Lawson is so super fantastic, she posed for a picture with Chrissy, putting her arm around an invisible ME. And Chrissy, having somehow learned how to photoshop things in a surprisingly respectable manner made me THIS:

Just let the awesomeness sink in for a minute...

Just let the awesomeness sink in for a minute… And do not question why I’m wearing a bridesmaid dress to a book signing.

It’s like I was actually there, only better. It’s better because my friend cared enough about me to blather incoherently to a famous person on my behalf. It’s better because Jenny has an incredible sense of humor and went along with the shenanigans. It’s the BEST because now I have my favorite thing in the world (a book) written by one of the people I admire most (The Bloggess) from one of my favorite people in the universe (including, but not limited to, all potential past lives.) And that, Bookworms, is how a book can be more than just a book.

Anybody out there have a story about a book inscription they’d like to share? I know not everyone’s story will be so full of superlatives and SHOUTY CAPITALS, but I’d love to hear them. Tell me something good, Worms.