Happy Friday, Bookworms!
It’s been a while since my last confession, but I just can’t keep this one in any longer. According to the pharmacist at Wal-Mart (don’t judge me- I’m frugal!) I am a low-talker. Seinfeld did an episode on low-talkers, but I just saw Pitch Perfect and the only low-talker I shall ever think of again is this one:
Allow me to preface this tale with the story of my name. My maiden name is 10 letters long and has a German spelling. This confuses people. When I was a kid, I could spell our last name aloud before I could even say the alphabet because I heard my parents spell it out so often. When I got married, I was lucky in several ways. First, you know, the love of my life and all. Second, Jim’s last name is Kelly (and I say this because really, creepers, it’s the Irish equivalent of Smith. It’s about as anonymous as you can get.) Third, I got to keep the same initials! I was stoked to trade up to an easily pronounceable last name, even though I was mildly disappointed that I wouldn’t be able to hyphenate my last name. (My initials would have been HIGHLY offensive.) Anyway. I’m used to name confusion. For my last name. Confusion with my first name? Now that was a Wal-Mart moment. This is how things went down.
ME: (Standing waiting to be acknowledged by someone who can fetch my medicine)
Old Pharmacist Guy: Have you been helped?
OPG: What can I get you?
ME: I have a pickup for Katie Kelly.
OPG: I can’t find it in the system. Can you spell the last name?
OPG: Still can’t find it. Birthdate?
OPG: And the first name again?
OPG: (mumbles something that sounds like “H” under his breath) Nope. Still not here.
ME: It’s Katie. K-A-T-I-E.
OPG: Oh, Atie? Okay. Let me try that. Nope. Not here.
ME: Yes, it’s here. I got the call saying it was here. Katie. Kelly. It’s weird. I have a first name as a last name.
OPG: Yeah. Kelly. But…
ME: KATIE. K-A-T-I-E. Like, short for Kathryn.
OPG: Oh KATIE. That’s not what you said. (Exaggerated sigh.)
ME: (Internal steam buildup, angry angry eye roll.) Thanks.
Seriously?! Seriously. Old Pharmacist Guy. You thought my name was Haiti?! Or Atie?! Haiti isn’t one of those places people name their children for. It’s an impoverished 3rd world country. I can’t imagine anyone would name their kid “Haiti” unless they were FROM Haiti, in which case they would pronounce it like “Aye-Ate-Ee” which I know because I learn things from Wyclef Jean.
And Atie? Really? Even if “Atie” was all you heard, and you’d realized from the exchange that you weren’t hearing me well, ATIE is the name you’re going to guess? Haiti and Atie before KATIE, which is one of the most common female names since EVER?! And then you have the nerve to get snippy with ME? I’m not even a low talker! I project very well! Ask the guy with the office next to me. He hears my conversations with myself ALL DAY LONG.
I think the moral of this story is clear. Wal-Mart needs to improve their health care coverage so their employees can afford hearing aids. Also. Wal-Mart needs to improve their book selection. Just putting that out there.
Any of you bookworms have an annoying tale of woe regarding a misheard name? Tell me about it!